


I'm Just a Kid

by gooey_world



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: But for right now if that ship isnt for you it's just a cute friendship, Canon Compliant, Cute, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Dr. Strange is coming soon, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gay, Hugs, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, I love my boys, I really love Loki, Implied Ironstrange, JARVIS is ALIVE, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Loki & Peter Parker Friendship, Loki has feelings, May cause feelings, Maybe I'll write something with plot for once but I just want my boys to be happy, Maybe future Loki/peter, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker-centric, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Stephen Strange, Protective Tony Stark, Sad, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony just wants to be peter's dad, bc thats my shit, bc we all missed him, cute avengers bonding time, dont get me wrong i loved friday but, everyone has PTSD, everyone takes care of peter, for sure, i love aunt may but shes not in this fic, implied stucky - Freeform, in this au tony & steve are okay with each other, it's just so fluffy, its just cute okay, maybe a future relationship, nothing graphic at all though, so they live together, some of its really sad, the plot is there if you squint, they all live in the avengers compound, this is my guilty pleasure, we'll see where this goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-07-14 03:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gooey_world/pseuds/gooey_world
Summary: After Infinity War, Peter Parker thought he could just leave it all behind, but the deaths, the fear, and the horrors of war took a toll on everyone.  Thank God he has the Avengers to help him through it.Or: Tony is basically Peter's dad, Loki helps Peter out of panic attacks, and Dr. Strange helps him with nightmares. The occasional Avengers movie night bonding time doesn't hurt, either.





	1. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic could be triggering for some. It has PTSD & panic attacks. This is in ongoing theme of this story, so I will not be posting trigger warnings unless it's very extreme. PM me if you aren't sure if you can handle this story, and I'll gladly give more details. Stay safe, everyone.

"Peter..."

A pause.

"Peter! Oh, Christ-" The voice was louder this time, tinged with desperation.

"Fucking- You're alive. Oh my God. Peter, I thought-" Tony? My eyes snapped open, and his face hovered over mine, his eyes wide and glassy. He was holding me, I realized quickly, and his whole body shook violently. Tony sobbed into my chest.

"Mr. Stark-" I rasped. I cried too, full-blown, body-wracking sobs that made my chest ache with every breath. My grip tightened on his shoulders. "Mr. Stark, please, take me home, please, I just wanna go home-" He shushed my blubbering with a gentle hand on my hair.

"Shh. I'll take you home, Pete. Breathe." The weight of everything was so heavy, I had _died_ , I had fucking _died_ , _oh my God-_

Mr. Stark stood with me still hanging limply from his arms. We were both crying, so I hid my face in his armor and put my hands on his metal-covered chest. I vaguely recognized that the Avengers were all nearby, greeting their dead loved ones, holy _shit,_ they had _died_ , we had all-

"Breathe, kid, keep breathing," Mr. Stark murmured. "I can hear you hyperventilating. We're gonna go home and get you cleaned up, okay?" I could feel myself relaxing with his words. "And then we'll get you some food and get you to sleep in a real bed. Does that sound okay, kiddo?" I could only nod.

I was barely there as I was shuffled into Mr. Stark's car. I clung even tighter to him when he collapsed the suit into his wrist, and he wrapped an arm around me as Happy drove us to the compound. It was a short drive, and an elevator took us up to the Avengers' quarters. I don't remember how I got to the bedroom, but there I was, being handed clean clothes and directed towards the showers by Mr. Stark.

"If you need anything, ask JARVIS, okay, kid?" Mr. Stark said calmly. "I mean anything. If you're upset, or you don't know where the shampoo is..."

The shower might've been the longest I took in my life. JARVIS reminded me several times that I had been staring at the wall for more than ten minutes. The AI even talked me down from a panic attack once. And then it was over. I smelled like a person again. I stared at the mirror for far too long and put on my sweatpants far too slowly. I didn't feel like a person.

I left the bathroom and turned the corner down the right hallway. I hit something. Someone! I punched and kicked blindly. Thanos, coming to kill me again, but I was losing, I would be dead soon because his fists were a tight grip on my wrists, pushing me away, vulnerable-

"Peter! It's okay, it's me, Peter-" My vision cleared. Thor.

"I'm sorry," I cried, sinking to the floor. "Fuck!"

"Peter," Thor said quietly, concern written all over his face. He sat beside me on the floor. "You are all right. You are safe now. Thanos is dead."

"Thanos is dead," I repeated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"You are forgiven, Spider." He rubbed my back gently. I leaned into his touch, and he hugged me tightly.

After a brief moment, we got up from the floor and make our way into the kitchen, where Mr. Stark was. Thor's steadying hand on my back stayed the whole time.

Mr. Stark gave me soup. He watched me eat the entire bowl, which I only did to make him feel better. It tasted like nothing.

Afterward, I was given a bedroom. Mr. Stark all but tucked me in: coming in with me and stroking my hair before bed. I felt like a little kid, but it was okay. Maybe feeling like a kid wasn't so bad. Mr. Stark shut off the lights and bid me goodnight, and I swear I fell asleep as soon as the door shut.


	2. Nightmares and Loki

_Footsteps. Pounding heart. Run. Faster! They'll catch you. He has the stones. Run or you'll dissolve. Your foot turns to ash, floating far behind you. It's catching up, you're dying, you're dying, you'redyingdyingdyingdiediedie-_

I woke with a harsh breath in. Sweat covered my body, and I realized I had kicked the duvet off of the bed in my sleep. I checked the clock. 4:47 AM. Shaking my head, I sat up in bed only to see Loki perched cross-legged on the opposite end. He looked at me calmly. 

"I can't sleep either," he said softly. "The others don't understand what it was like to have your soul ripped from your body." 

I nodded. "I should be dead," I murmured. "And I'm not suicidal. I died, I should've stayed that way." I thought I was calm, but a sob lurched from my throat. 

"It's all I can think about," Loki responded, ignoring my tears. "I'm certainly glad someone else understands." 

I sniffed and wiped my tears with the heel of my palm. "I don't want to go back to sleep," I mumbled childishly. 

"Then don't," came his simple response. "Come with me." I followed him out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. He turned on a light and washed his hands. 

"What are you doing?" I washed mine, too, even though I was confused. 

He smiled at me, a hint of sarcasm quirking his mouth ever so slightly. "If we aren't sleeping, we may as well make breakfast, Peter." I watched him pour flour into a large bowl. 

"In the mood for pancakes?" I grinned. 

Loki added baking powder. "That, and the rest of the Avengers will skin me alive if I don't take proper care of you." I couldn't tell if he was joking. I supposed it didn't matter. "Peter, be a dear and get me some eggs." 

After the batter was made, I sat on a countertop barstool to watch Loki cook the pancakes. The smell was intoxicating, and I hadn't realized how hungry I was. The soup from yesterday wasn't nearly enough. I was content when he set a large stack of pancakes in front of me, complete with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. I grinned at the god excitedly, and I couldn't help but notice his small look of pride when he saw my reaction. I dug in eagerly to the sugary breakfast. 

Loki hummed to himself as he flipped the next batch, I stuffed myself full of all the pancakes he could slide my way, and we laughed and cracked jokes until six in the morning when Thor lumbered in. 

"Brother! What on Midguard are you doing?" He bellowed. 

"What does it look like I'm doing, genius?" Loki rolled his eyes dramatically. "I'm making pancakes." 

"Are you some kind of alien from another realm?" Thor asked. 

"No!" 

"Are you poisoning us all, Brother?" 

"I am certainly not!" 

"Well, if that's the case, may I-" Loki was already pushing a plateful into Thor's open hands. 

"If you think that I'm really stupid enough to make too few pancakes for the Avengers-" Loki squawked.

"These are delicious. The kitchen is yours. I must go. Simply exquisite. Many thanks." Thor left as fast as he could manage. 

I burst out laughing as Loki huffed in annoyance. 

"Are you two like that all the time?" I asked, once my giggles had subsided. 

"Unfortunately so, he is always like that." 

"No, I said- _oh_." I laughed again.

"More pancakes?" Loki offered.

"I think I've got plenty."

"All right." He flipped another pancake. I got up to wash my plate and fork. 

"Thank you," I said. He turned to look at me. 

"For what I am being thanked?" He scanned my face. 

"For last night. Coming in and talking to me. How do you know I was having nightmares?" 

He tried to stifle a laugh. "Apologies for making light of the situation, but your blood-curdling scream woke the whole compound. We all arrived at your door, but I got in first." 

Oh. 

"Sorry for waking you up," I looked at my feet. "I'm not very good at basic tasks right now." 

"No apology necessary, Peter. And it seems that you've successfully relearned eating. I wouldn't be too worried." 

I hugged him. I felt his heartbeat quicken and his arms tighten around me. I relaxed into the embrace, and I felt him doing the same. It was nice. 


	3. Reading, then a Well-Deserved Nap

I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself again. How long was I out? How long was I dead? All I remember was pain, and fear, and then nothing at all. My hair was longer than it had been. My face looked pale and my eyes were wide. What's wrong with me? My hands shook. Apparently, I couldn't do something as simple as looking in the mirror anymore.

Back at my room, I changed my clothes slowly and shakily. Being with people seemed to ground me, but when I was alone I just felt lost. I cursed myself for needing constant attention. Weak. I'm Spider-Man, I shouldn't feel like this. I don't need anyone.

What I did need was a distraction.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, Mr. Parker?"

"Can you recommend me some nonfiction?" The AI paused, making me oddly nervous.

"Yes, Mr. Parker. I can send you a reading list. However, it is advisable that you spend time and socialize with your teammates. Your current emotional state is-"

"Thanks. That will be all." Geez.

"Your reading list has been sent to your laptop, sir." Apparently I have a laptop. Nice.

I sighed loudly. Maybe JARVIS was right. Maybe I should be spending time with people. We are social animals, after all. I left my room without looking at my reading list.

I made it to one of the common rooms without much guidance from JARVIS. Black Widow and Hawkeye relaxed on leather chairs, and Dr. Banner was typing something on a StarkPad. I was oddly relieved when I saw Loki gazing out of the floor-to-ceiling window. He turned and smiled at me as greeting.

"Hi, Peter," Dr. Banner greeted me.

"Hello, Dr. Banner." He laughed.

"Call me Bruce," I nodded and tried to retain that information. "How have you been holding up?"

I felt everyone's eyes on me, but all I could do was blink. How have I been? I just died. I remember the awful tingling sensation that began in my legs, and travelled up my body slowly, and then I couldn't feel anything at all. And the way Mr. Stark looked at me. Like he'd failed. We had all failed, but all I had wanted to do, all I should've done was comfort him, but I was scared, weak, pathetic-

I felt two stern hands on my shoulders. I sucked in a breath, and realized how lightheaded I was. My vision cleared and I saw Loki standing in front of me, his face tight with worry. I didn't feel secure on my feet at all; my knees wobbled, and I would've keeled over into his chest if he hadn't been holding me up.

"Next time," he murmured. "If you're about to pass out, tell me. Tell anyone. At least try and get to a chair." He guided me to the leather couch where Dr. Banner sat, staring at me. Loki sat next to me, graceful and catlike in his movements, and a wave of embarrassment hit me.

"I'm s-sorry!" I sputtered, my cheeks feeling damp. I was crying? "It was just a question, I-"

"An extremely ill-placed question," Loki said snidely. "But I'll forgive Dr. Banner. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

I stared at him. When did Loki get so... So protective? Not that I minded, of course...

"Peter, I am sorry. A silly question to ask, really. I did it purely out of formality, but that's no excuse."

"It's okay," I said quietly, but I was looking at Loki. I was so curious about him.

I left the room, assuring everyone, especially Loki that I would be right back. I returned to my room to grab a book that JARVIS had sent me. Maybe reading would make everything less awkward. 

I returned, and the room was suspiciously silent. Everyone seemed occupied, except Loki, who was looking around the room with a small smirk. 

I sat down next to the god again, drawing my knees in and opening the book. I wasn't even surprised when Loki touched my hair. I leaned into the comforting touch, and it spurred him to pet more of my hair. I fell into a rhythm of reading and him stroking my hair, and before I knew it, I was asleep.

I woke up with my head in the crook of Loki's arm, nearly in his lap. He looked down at me with a gentle smile and messed with my hair a little. I was too groggy from sleep to be embarrassed, so I yawned and pushed my face against his chest.

"Peter," I felt his voice vibrate his chest. "If you keep napping now, you won't be able to sleep at night."

"Okay," I drawled. It wasn't like I was going to sleep anyway, but I humored him and stretched my arms.

"Do you want lunch?" I shook my head. I didn't have much of an appetite anyway, and I just woke up.

"Maybe later," I assured him. "Where's my book?" He handed it to me. The page was marked, even though I was sure I had fallen asleep in the middle of reading. I looked up at him, more than content. "Thanks, Loki."

He looked away. "Not a problem at all, Peter."

"Loki," I said, still curled under his arm. "How long were we- um..."

"On the couch?" He supplied. "You were alseep for half an hour."

"No, I meant-" I wiped my hands on my pants nervously. "How long were we dead?"

He paled. "No one told you?" He said incredulously. I shook my head, and he continued, looking far away. "Six months. We were dead for six months." He swallowed hard and scanned my face.

What? Is this some kind of joke?

I couldn't help myself. I laughed. "No, we weren't!" He looked upset. "We were?" I whispered, fear coming in a wave over me. He nodded, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. My eyes welled up with tears. Six months. Aunt May was gonna kill me.

"Peter..." Loki turned to face me on the couch, still holding my shoulders as if he was afraid of me passing out again. He lowered his head until we were eye-level, and his eyes searched my face carefully. A tear made its way down my cheek, but Loki's thumb brushed it away. "We're here now," he said roughly. "We're alive now. And that's all that matters."

I tried to believe him. I knew it would be okay eventually, but the thought of wasting six months of my life and worrying Aunt May for that long was hard to grapple with. I resolved to talk to Mr. Stark about it soon.

But then Loki hugged me, and I was practically on his lap, and it felt so nice and warm. He let me cry into his shoulder for several minutes, and I felt like a little kid again, but it was okay, it really was. And I couldn't be sure, but I thought I felt Loki kiss the top of my head.


	4. Pizza

After my embarrassing crying session (Christ, I needed to get a hold of myself), Loki and I went to the kitchen to find dinner. He held my hand on the way there.

All of the Avengers were in the kitchen for dinner. I  learned that day that even they showed up when Mr. Stark bought them all pizza. I giggled in spite of myself at the thought of the Earth's mightiest heroes sitting around the table, bickering and having a family meal. As we approached, I heard bits and pieces of their conversation.

"Clint, I said three pieces maximum before Peter gets here. Three. That is at least your fifth. No. Do not take another bite. Clint!" Mr. Stark sounded like a tired dad.

"Ew, who ordered veggie pizza? I don't care if I'm a grown-ass adult, Steve, broccoli on pizza is hell!" Bucky?

"This mortal pizza is good. Another!" Thor.

"No, Thor, you've had seven-" Mr. Stark started.

"You are all acting like children," Dr. Strange was saying, as Loki and I walked in. He looked at us, and his perceptive gaze fell on our hands, still held. I blushed childishly, but Loki didn't seem to care.

"Hey, kid, I saved you some pizza," Mr. Stark said. "And I had to fight tooth and nail to keep it for you." He winked at me, and I smiled back at him. I wasn't hungry, but how could I not eat a slice or two now?

"Thanks, Mr. Stark. Thanks, everyone." I took a slice of the cheese pizza. Mr. Stark looked relieved when I took a bite. Loki released my hand, still smiling down at me, so I moved over to where Mr. Stark and Dr. Strange were leaning against the counter.

"Hello, Peter," Dr. Strange greeted me. "What have you been up to this morning?" I haven't seen Dr. Strange since I died, so I supposed we could catch up a bit.

"I made breakfast with Loki, and then started this book on behavioral biology. It was really cool, Dr. Strange, it was all about animal aggression..." I ended up having a lengthy discussion about it with Dr. Strange and Mr. Stark. I can only hope I sounded intelligent. The looks on their faces were like those of proud parents, so I guess I did okay.

"Have you been having trouble sleeping, Peter?" Dr. Strange asked after the conversation had ended. I knew he was only asking out of courtesy. Loki said I woke the entire compound last night.

"Yeah..." I looked down at my feet. I saw Mr. Stark look at Dr. Strange worriedly out of the corner of my eye. "But Loki has been helping a lot today."

"Loki has been helping you?" Mr. Stark asked, surprised.

"Yeah. Last night he came into my room, and we talked about my nightmare. He made me breakfast this morning, too. And he helped me when I passed out today!" Both of their eyes were wide. "Uh, I mean... I only passed out a little? I didn't even fall over or anything-"

"Peter..." Mr. Stark looked far away. " _Why did you pass out?_ What brought it on?" Dr. Strange touched his shoulder.

"Well... Dr. Banner asked how I was doing, and... I just panicked. I don't know why. I'm fine; it was just a fluke-"

"Clearly it was not a fluke, Peter," Dr. Strange looked at me levelly. "I would recommend therapy. And, if you'd like, I can make sure you sleep tonight. No nightmares." I stared at him.

"With- with magic?"

"No, with melatonin," he deadpanned. "Yes, with magic."

"I- I don't know..." I mumbled, unsure.

"He's done it with me, Peter," Mr. Stark said softly. "It works. No nightmares, no pain, nothing. It's up to you, of course, but... I trust him if that's what you're worried about." Dr. Strange could not contain his pride. He tried to restrain his smile, but it didn't work.

"Okay," I said, looking at their serious faces.

"Great. I want to have a movie night tonight with everyone, so we'll get that rolling in, maybe an hour? What do you think, Stephen?" It was clear that Mr. Stark wasn't talking to me anymore, so I went back over to Loki. I wasn't upset at all, and my thoughts on the whole situation dissipated when I saw Loki arguing with Thor again. I stood nearby to watch the show.

"Brother, pineapple on pizza is a combination made in _Hell._ How are you incapable of understanding such a thing?" Thor bellowed.

"Brother, if you were cultured, you would understand that salty and sweet in a combination from Heaven itself. Just because Odin fussed over you all the time doesn't give you an excuse to be a picky little bi-"

"Oh, everything's about our father with you-"

"I'm just telling you why your taste is about as good as a dog eating its own-"

"At least I don't look like a witch all the time-"

"You look _homeless!"_

"It's comfortable!"

"It's shameful! I am forced to walk around with a brother wearing three sweatshirts at once while I could go to a dinner party at any minute-"

"Oh, that's why you dress like that? To go to dinner parties?"

"Shut up, you oaf!"

They apparently reached a standstill, because Thor burst out laughing.

"Ah, I love you, brother!" He thundered. "I need some ale!" Loki laughed, too, and I couldn't help but giggle. Thor left to find some beer, apparently, and Loki grinned at me and shook his head jokingly.

"How does he hate pineapple pizza?"

"I don't know," I smiled. "And his fashion sense..." Loki rolled his eyes.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one." He mumbled. 

The Avengers were slowly filtering out of the kitchen area, so Mr. Stark got everyone's attention.

"Hey idiots!" Everyone quieted, but the Avengers were far from silent. "We're having a movie night. It's uh... It's the one with the robot. The big, puffy robot. What is that goddamn movie. JARVIS?"

"Big Hero Six, sir."

"Yeah. That one. Love that movie. Anyway, we're starting in half an hour in common room C. The one with the giant-ass couch? Anyone who doesn't know where that is, ask JARVIS." He paused, trying to think of anything else to say. "Oh. Get your cute PJ's on. This is bonding. Not mandatory, but I'll harass you myself if you don't come. Alright. I'm done. See ya there."

I turned to Loki. "I guess I'll head to my room and get dressed, then," I said with a smile. "If he's gonna harass us."

He ruffled my hair. "You'd better hurry, then."


	5. Movie Night and Sleeping Spells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen Big Hero Six yet, there will be spoilers, but also, if you haven't seen the movie yet, what have you been doing instead?

As it turned out, I loved almost-mandatory Avengers bonding time. I was squished happily between Dr. Strange and Mr. Stark, holding a bowl full of buttery popcorn. Loki perched above me on the highest part of the couch (certainly not meant for sitting, but that didn't appear to stop him), perfectly positioned to reach down and grab handfuls of popcorn. Mr. Stark had set up a massive screen, and the Avengers all crowded onto the couch and the floor below us, with a ridiculous amount of throw blankets. We were undoubtedly getting cozy, and I loved every minute of it.

Mr. Stark ordered JARVIS to start the movie, and I leaned into him, letting him wrap a protective arm around me. I almost wanted to tell him I loved him, but I thought better of it, so I just smiled at him and started getting into the film.

Oh, my God, I forgot how sad this movie was, within, like, the first few minutes. Apparently, Mr. Stark forgot, too, because when Hiro was mourning his brother, he stared straight ahead and gripped my shoulder tighter. I embarrassed myself again by shedding a few quiet tears into Dr. Strange's sentient cloak, which began smoothing my hair and wiping some snot away. Gross, but weirdly comforting. I wondered if Dr. Strange controlled it, but he seemed focused on the movie, too.

Thor was crying, I realized suddenly, and we all seemed to understand. Mourning a brother's death was something he knew too well. I was curious about Loki's expression, but I decided not to look up. Thor sat on the floor a little ways away from us, but Black Widow touched his arm and whispered something in his ear. He seemed mostly okay after that, and the movie got much happier after that, anyway. Mr. Stark's grip finally loosened on my shoulder, and I was grateful because it was starting to get painful. Not that I was complaining. 

I liked Hiro. He reminded me a lot of myself when I was younger. Before the snap, maybe: young, carefree, raised by his aunt, with an engineering mind, like mine. Of course, some things were different now, but some were still the same.

Loki touched my hair. I didn't realize it at first, but I felt his long fingers through it, and I sighed involuntarily in contentment. I felt loved, especially when Mr. Stark looked at me like a pleased parent looks at their kid, and when Dr. Strange patted my thigh proudly. I mean, I'd imagine that this is what having a dad feels like... They're not my parents, but they're basically my dads. Basically. I basked in that feeling a little longer.

The movie ended, and my eyelids were heavy. Loki consistently playing with my hair was making me sleepy, and Mr. Stark's arm around me wasn't helping, either. I buried my face in his shoulder, and he held me close, and I leeched off of his warmth. 

"Kid," He whispered. "Do you still want Stephen to get rid of the nightmares tonight?" His hand brushed over my hair. I guess Loki left? 

"Yeah," I mumbled, my words garbled by Mr. Stark's shirt. He helped me up and walked me to my room, keeping an arm around me the whole time. Dr. Strange followed close behind. 

They put me to bed, nearly tucking me in again. Mr. Stark covered me with the duvet and fluffed my pillows while Dr. Strange was getting the spell ready. They both sat on the queen-sized bed after everything was prepared.

"The spell will take a few minutes to take effect," Dr. Strange's voice was low and soothing. "So we'll stay with you until you fall asleep, okay?"

I nodded, and he pressed an orange, glowing palm to my forehead. I felt the tension leave my muscles and my eyelids even heavier. I was drunk on sleepiness, and I saw Loki at the doorway, watching us.

"Loki," I murmured, trying desperately to keep my eyes open. He heard my small voice and strode over to the bed.

"A sleeping spell?" He asked rhetorically. I reached for him. "By the Gods, you are out of it, aren't you?" He embraced me anyway, uncaring of the questioning looks he got from Mr. Stark and Dr. Strange. He pulled back and observed me.

"Okay, kiddo," Mr. Stark said quietly. "Sleep well." He and Dr. Strange got up to leave.

"'Night, Dad," I said groggily, and then I realized my mistake. "Oh, I meant- I meant-" Mr. Stark had wide eyes.

"It's all right, Peter, you're under magic," Dr. Strange answered for him. "Goodnight." He pulled Mr. Stark out of the room, leaving Loki and me alone.

"Loki," I said, as he was getting up to leave, too. "Stay?" He looked conflicted, so I added, "Please?"

"Oh, alright. Here-" He grabbed an extra blanket and a pillow and made up a bed on the floor. The last thing I heard before I succumbed to sleep was Loki's gentle voice. "Goodnight, Peter." The last thing I felt was a kiss on the forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's anything you'd like to see more of in this fic, please comment! I'm super open to suggestions about this fic. I love getting comments & it inspires me to write!


	6. Aunt May?

I awoke on my own, slowly coming out of the deepest sleep I've ever had. I felt so well-rested, I might have to ask Dr. Strange for that spell again. 

I stretched my back and sat up in bed to see Loki sitting cross-legged on the corner of my mattress. He was looking up from his reading. 

"You were out for eleven hours," he said calmly, brushing something invisible off of the duvet. "I was starting to worry." 

Eleven hours? "I feel really good," I yawned. "I might want to train today." I also wanted to see Aunt May. I was afraid she would make me leave the compound, but I had been putting it off for too long. I felt guilty at the thought of her not knowing whether I was alive yesterday. I didn't have any way of knowing what she knew and what she didn't. 

Loki nodded, and I saw him suppress a smile. "I'm certainly glad your sleep was so restful," He looked genuinely interested. "And I would be more than happy to train with you, if you'd like." 

Oh my God. Of course I wanted to train with a literal god! I hoped I didn't look too excited, but judging by Loki's amused expression, I wasn't doing a very good job of looking nonchalant. 

"For real?" My voice squeaked. "Um, I mean, sure. If it's not too much trouble." 

"Of course, Peter," Loki was smiling. 

"But, um, I do want to see Aunt May first... I'll call her cell, now if that's okay." 

"Of course. I am unsure of what a "cell" is, unless it relates to prisons. Would you like to be alone?" 

I giggled. "It's a mobile phone. You can stay. JARVIS, call 826-897-0264."

"Calling 826-897-0264, Mr. Parker." The AI told us. We heard ringing. I came out from under the duvet and sat closer to Loki, who was listening closely to the ringing sound. The fourth ring came. 

"Is it malfunctioning?" Loki asked me, curious, but I didn't respond. I had an awful feeling in my stomach. 

"The number you have reached is not in service." 

What?

The bad feeling intensified. "JARVIS," I said, feeling desperate. "Give me everything you have on May Parker." 

"Peter," Loki whispered, his hand suddenly on my back. 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Parker, you do not have access to civillian information." 

"She's my fucking Aunt!" I yelled to no one in particular. "Why would she change her phone? She wouldn't, not when there was a chance that I would come back." I looked at Loki, whose face was only of sympathy. He pulled me closer as I tried not to cry. 

"JARVIS, call Mr. Stark," My voice quivered. 

"Calling Mr. Stark." 

"Kid? Are you okay?" Mr. Stark's worried voice came through after the first ring. Loki stroked my hair. 

"Where's May, Mr. Stark? I called her phone, but it wasn't in service. What's going on? She wouldn't change her number, she wouldn't-" 

"I haven't talked to her since... Well, I suppose there's no way to put this lightly. I went over after you- after the snap, and she- ah- I'm not allowed in that house anymore. So I'll do some research, see if I can get ahold of her, yeah? Stay calm, kid, it's alright. Are you with anyone right now?" 

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "I'm with Loki in my room." 

"Okay. If you need me, don't hesitate to call, okay kiddo? But I gotta go, I'm supposed to be in a meeting-" 

"Why did you pick up?" And on the first ring, too? 

"I just told them my kid was calling." I could picture his wink. "Don't worry about it. Bother me as much as you need. I'll get back to you with information soon, alright Petey?" 

"Okay, Mr. Stark." 

"I- I'll see you soon." He hung up, and I sighed loudly. To my surprise, Loki pulled me partially onto his lap. He was so tall that I could comfortably bury my face into his chest, and he held me close to him tightly. 

"He cares about you immensely," I felt the vibrations of his voice. "You are lucky to have a father like him." 

I shook my head a tiny bit. "He's not my dad." Unfortunately. 

"Isn't he?" Loki's hand moved down my back soothingly. "You called him just that last night." 

"I was basically drunk from Dr. Strange's spell. That doesn't count." 

"Then why did he freeze?" 

"Because..." Do we have to have this conversation? "Because it was awkward." 

"No. He wishes to be your father. I can see it in him." I shifted on his lap. 

"Maybe," I said. 

"Call him 'dad' again, and see how he reacts, if you'd like."

"I'll pass." Oh my god, no. Loki said nothing in return for a while, but he finally spoke. 

"Consider yourself lucky, though, Peter. Don't take him for granted. My own father hated me, but it's easy to see how much yours loves you." I looked up at him. What was I supposed to say to that? Instead of responding, I clung to him tighter. 

"Oh, Peter, it's alright, I-" he stopped talking when he looked down at me again. 

"I love you," I mumbled quietly. Too quietly.

"I'm sorry, Peter, what was that?" He touched my cheek lightly, which was heating up from embarrassment. I needed to say this, though. 

"I said I love you," He stared at me. "I'm sorry that your father didn't." He looked like he was about to cry, but he quickly wiped most of the evidence away. 

"Peter," he breathed. "I-" Instead of finishing that sentence, he pulled me fully onto his lap and held me there. "I love you, too." His teardrop landed on me, and I reached up to help him wipe the rest away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your lovely comments!


	7. Sparring

I spent an hour with Loki, in my PJs on the bed. He told me about his childhood, how Thor had unknowingly taken on the role of his father's favorite. He told me stories about his jealousy as the second-best at everything. It was heartbreaking, but I felt like I knew him far better afterward. 

After our conversations, he left me so I could change and get ready to train. I was excited to learn from him and to use the incredible tech that was undoubtedly in the training rooms. I pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt quickly. 

I hurried down the hallways and finally reached the room. I was so fast, Loki hadn't even gotten there yet, but I did see Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes sparring in one of the inner rings, laughing as they hit each other with an intense force. I stood and watched their technique for a while, trying to pick up on something to use in my fighting. I was never trained in any combat, and I didn't typically end up in a fair sparring situation like this one, so I wasn't used to it at all.

Suddenly, my skin prickled. My spidey-sense was acting up. Here? I looked around nervously, jumping as I saw the Black Widow behind me. She was so quiet; I wouldn't have noticed her at all.

"Hey, Peter," She greeted. "Do you want to spar?" Um, of course?

"Yeah! I'd love to!" I'm sure I beamed at her, I was so excited. She led me to another sparring ring. I prayed I didn't embarrass myself.

That prayer apparently went out the window as we started fighting. Even with my enhanced strength, her technical skill was far superior to my own. Ms. Romanov kicked and flipped me over as if it were the most natural thing in the world. We fought for a few short rounds, and they all seemed to go the same way: dodging her first attack, trying and failing to land a hit, and then being thrown to the ground before I knew what hit me. On the fifth round, I finally landed a solid kick, and that was a victory in its own right, but that was the first time I touched her. We took a quick water break, even though I was the only one that needed it.

"You're..." I panted. "You're really good at this." It was the understatement of the century.

She laughed. "Thanks, but I know there's a difference in skill level."

"Ms. Romanov-"

"Oh, my God. Call me Nat. You're so cute." She grinned, and I flushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry, Nat, how do you manage to dodge those hits every time?" I wondered.

"Well, it's all just practice with body language. There are a few points to watch: the hips, the shoulders..." She went on about fighting and technique, and I can honestly say I learned a lot. We sparred again, with Nat pointing out my mistakes and my small victories. It felt like a few minutes, but at some point, I glanced up at the clock and realized we had been at it for more than two hours. I glanced around the room, and most of the Avengers were there, including Loki, all either training or watching the others train. Loki, Thor, Dr. Strange, and Mr. Stark were all watching Nat and me. 

Nat looked me up and down, surveying my sweat-covered body. "Peter, do you think you should stop?" I shook my head. 

"No, I'm learning a lot, I'm fine, let's keep going!" I protested.

"No, kid, you're done. You're overworked as it is," Mr. Stark said flatly, leaving no room for argument. I made a face, and he raised his eyebrows, daring me to say something. I decided to leave and listen to him, but I really wanted to keep working. It got rid of all the awful thoughts in my head, and it made me feel like I could take Thanos now, and I would win if he attacked again...

I knew he was right, though, realistically, because my muscles ached and my mouth was dry from dehydration.

"God, kid, you stink," Mr. Stark complained when I got closer.

"It is the smell of a warrior!" Thor beamed at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"It's the small of a warrior who desperately needs deodorant," Loki said snidely, but I could see the laughter in his face.

"Kid, I'm having J do some research as we speak on your Aunt. Thought I'd let you know. We'll get this sorted out, I promise." Mr. Stark looked like he wanted to put a hand on my shoulder, maybe even hug me, but he wrinkled his nose again. I must've really smelled bad.

"Okay, Mr. Stark. Thanks for doing that."

"You know, kid, you don't have to call me Mr. Stark all the time," he responded softly. I looked at him.

"What do you want me to call you instead?" His face flushed. 

"Uh- nothing, kid, never mind. I-ah I need to go do something." He turned abruptly and left. Dr. Strange caught my confused look and rolled his eyes, a comic gesture I hadn't really seen the man allow before. He followed Mr. Stark(?) out of the door.

I stared at Loki and Thor, who were both trying to hold in laughter. "Was it something I said?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"By Odin's beard, Peter, it certainly wasn't your fault, it was friend Tony's. He made that so much more awkward than it had to be."

"Peter, we talked about this earlier. See if you can connect the dots." Loki was nearly giggling.

"He wants me to call him dad," I said quietly, realization dawning. 

"Which confused me to no end, at first," Thor admitted. "I thought he was already your father."

"You- what?" Loki nearly screeched. "You're an idiot, Brother. A complete-"

"Yeah, yeah," Thor just smiled at me. I shook my head in disbelief. This conversation was ridiculous.

"Okay, well, I evidently need a shower," I said, and they both nodded. I thanked them and went back to my room, stripping out of my clothes, and feeling the warm water soothe my body. What a day already.


	8. News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this chapter is really fuckin sad I'm sorry  
> but Tony is a sweetheart so its okay  
> just like... get ready for feelings

I left my room with damp hair and flushed cheeks. I still wasn't sure about my health --does dying effect a person's stamina?-- But I counted these past two days as a victory since I could already feel less definition in my ribs. My body recovered much faster than most peoples', and one day seemed to make all the difference.

That didn't mean that my appetite was improving, though. It was well past lunchtime, and I didn't see myself going into the kitchen unless someone forced me. Instead, I made my way to one of the common rooms with my book in hand. The room was blissfully empty (I had only come out here to reassure my parental figures that I wasn't moping in my room), so I settled into the dark leather couch and read on, trying desperately not to think about May. I had successfully avoided thought of her all morning, but now that I wasn't focusing my mind and body on sparring, it was much harder.

I didn't get far before JARVIS interrupted my reading.

"Mr. Parker, Mr. Stark has requested your presence in the lab." On any normal circumstance, I would have been thrilled to go hang out with Mr. Stark in the lab. Now, I was just nervous. What if he had found something about May?

"I'll be there," I said firmly, swallowing my discomfort. I stood up and went out the door.

Mr. Stark was pouring over his computer screens when I came in. The look on his face was unreadable, but I didn't take his avid concentration to be a good sign. I had to say something for him to notice me.

"Mr. Stark?"

"Pete, I don't know how to say this..." His face had more lines than I remembered. He looked old, and far away, and his eyes were glassy. My stomach churned.

"She's dead, isn't she?" I wanted to cry, but I was so numb. Mr. Stark shut his eyes tightly.

"Yeah. Kid-" He started, as gently as possible, but he couldn't finish. The room hung in a heavy silence.

"How- how is that possible? I thought you brought everyone back, I thought-" I was feeling the first few waves of panic.

"She died after we used the Time Stone. Cancer. I'm so sorry," He whispered, his eyes searching my face carefully. After I said nothing in return, he continued awkwardly. "The whole- the whole government is slowed to a crawl, kid. Nobody knows what to do about people who were resurrected. That's why we didn't know until now, that's why Child Protective Services hasn't-"

"Oh, _God_..." I groaned, clutching at my stomach. Mr. Stark looked helpless as I sunk to the floor, leaning my head against some cabinet I was close to. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to forget everything that happened in the past few days.

"Peter," His voice was close. He even used my full name. "Talk to me. Trust me, I know what it's like to-" His voice broke slightly, but he recovered quickly. "Please, tell me what you're feeling."

"She n-never knew I-I was alive-" I could barely speak, but I still couldn't cry. What was wrong with me?

Mr. Stark asked me to breathe with him. I did, once, twice, three times. "It's not your fault, kid. It's gonna be okay."

" _No!_ " I felt a sudden urgency. I looked up at him, grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, and held on as tightly as I could manage. "I don't have any relatives left. I can't- I don't have- when they do come, when protective services do come, I'll have to _leave_ , I'll be put in some-"

"You will _not_. You're nearly eighteen, anyway, but I'll adopt you myself if I have to. Peter, I-" That's when the tears fell. Mr. Stark pulled me into a fierce hug, and I cried into his shoulder. "Peter, _I love you_." I could only sob in response. I would be grieving for a long time, sure. For now, though, I was loved, and I had a home, and so maybe everything would turn out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry omg i told you all


	9. After the News

I cried with Mr. Stark for a long time, just sitting on the floor of the lab, wrapped in his arms. I finally laughed away my tears when Dum-E tried to bring us tissues, dropping them every few feet on his way there. Mr. Stark shook his head.

"What do you say we get something to eat, kid?" My stomach rumbled, but I shook my head.

"Not hungry," I grumbled childishly. I thought it was ironic that Mr. Stark, famous for forgetting to eat, sleep, and shower, remembered that I hadn't had dinner.

"Pete," He said gently, but I knew there wasn't going to be any argument. "You need to eat, kiddo, even if-"

"Fine, Dad," I half-teased him, but his arms stiffened slightly. Why did I say that? I thought it would make him laugh. "Um, sorry, I mean-"

He shushed me as he helped me stand up. "You can..." He looked away. "You can call me that-" He cleared his throat. "-if you want. I mean, you don't have to, of course, it's a weird step, and I don't want you to feel-"

I hugged him. "It's okay, Dad," I murmured, feeling his hand over my hair. "Let's get some food." He nodded, and I followed him into the hallway. We reached the communal kitchen, and only Thor was there, enjoying a colossal slab of chicken. I wondered where he even got it.

"Friend Tony, Peter!" He greeted us happily. "I should have made more food."

"That's quite all right, Thor," my Dad said, clearly amused. "Where did that even come from? You know what, never mind. I don't want to know."

Thor just grinned and took another enormous bite. It's hard to stay unhappy around him. Mr. Stark made me soup, like the night I was resurrected. I sat at the table with Thor while I waited.

"I was thinking," he said, after a large swallow of milk (Thor was drinking milk!), "I should think of heading back to Asgard sometime soon. The few that survived are under Heimdall's temporary rule, and I should claim the throne again." He looked at his plate, pondering that. "And, of course, if my brother wishes to rule at my side, I could not deny him of that."

My heart sunk. "Loki would go with you?"

"Aye. I fail to see how he could decide otherwise. He has always wanted the throne."

"Oh," I tried not to look too upset. Of course Loki wouldn't stay at the compound forever. Believing that for even a moment was naive. "I guess that makes sense, then."

Thor saw right through me. "You and my brother are close, yes?" I nodded. "Then rest assured that he will visit you often. With two kings on the throne, it will be easy to take trips away from home."

"That's nice," I tried to sound cheerful. I felt selfish for want Loki to stay. His people needed him.

Mr. Stark -Dad- came over with soup for both of us, and thankfully Thor didn't press the Loki issue. I've cried enough today, so we ate wordlessly as I tried to think of happier times. My Dad kept giving me worried sideways glances at my silence, but I ignored him. Afterward, I left to go to sleep. I didn't want him to have to tuck me in forever, so I promised him I'd be fine. On my way to my room, I ran into Loki, and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from bursting into tears.

"Peter," He said quietly when he saw me upset. "What's the matter?" I sniffed and looked down. All I wanted was for him to hold me, but the thought of telling him was mortifying. "All right," Loki continued. I stared up at him, confused. "You need not speak of it-" For a terrifying moment, I wondered if he could read minds. "-what is it that you need, then? Were you on your way to your bedroom?" I nodded, studying the fabric covering his chest. "Would you like me to accompany you?" I nodded again, trying not to seem too happy about that idea. He pretended not to notice my enthusiasm and offered his arm instead. I took it, gratefully, trying not to blush, and he led me into my room. I disappeared into the bathroom to change into my PJs, and when I returned, he was sitting on my bed, in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I had never seen him that casual before, he was always wearing a full suit. I joined him on the bed.

"Is Dr. Strange around? I really want another sleeping spell," I asked hopefully, but he looked regretful.

"Strange is gone for the night at his Sanctum," Loki answered. I couldn't stop the disappointed sigh that I let out. "And I cannot work with that sort of magic."

"What can you do?" I wondered. Any distraction was welcome at this point, and Loki looked pleased that I was curious.

"Plenty of things, Peter," he said. "Here-" I blinked, and I was staring at myself. He had shapeshifted into a perfect replica of... me.

"Whoa," I stared. He (I?) grinned, and it was off-putting, to say the least.

"You're more muscular than I thought you'd be," he stated nonchalantly --as if that were a normal thing to say. I was nearly speechless, but I croaked out a reply.

"Does that mean... How does it work? Do you have to be looking at the person?" 

"No," he replied, and then he was Tony Stark, red-tinted sunglasses and all.

"Holy shit-" I was startled. "Warn me next time, Loki!"

Mr. Stark shugged in front of me. It was difficult to remember that this was really Loki, he looked so real.

"If you wish. I mean, sure, whatever, kid." He grinned, and even his voice sounded like Mr. Stark.

"Can you change back to Loki, now?" My voice was smaller than I intended, but this was making me uncomfortable. He nodded, and he was back. I breathed in relief, and he gave me an odd look but didn't question it. It was weird seeing one person and knowing it was another. He reached over and played with my hair, and I moved closer to him. I wished I didn't know he was going to leave, so I could really relax. I wished May was alive...

"If you want to talk at any point," he murmured, sensing my discomfort. "You can. And not exclusively tonight, Peter." I didn't want to upset him, though, he could make his own decisions about leaving, so I decided to tell him about May. He listened carefully to me as I told him about how she had never known I was alive, how she had been my only living relative. I told him that Mr. Stark had offered to adopt me if necessary, but how it just wasn't the same. She had made countless school lunches, shown up for countless band concerts, supported me in everything, even Spider-Man, because she knew how much it meant to me. I never even knew she had cancer, she had been battling that on her own, and I'm sure she didn't tell me because she knew it would worry me. When I finished I was crying, but Loki just had understanding in his eyes, and I knew he had lost someone like that, too.

"I just-" I wiped my face with my hand and leaned into Loki's side. "I just wanna go to sleep."

"Then we'll sleep." He said simply and helped me under the covers. I worried that he would leave, but the thought didn't seem to be in his mind. He noticed how I held onto him and asked,

"Shall I sleep on the floor, or with you?" he asked gently, and I was infinitely relieved.

"W-with me?" I answered, but it sounded more like a question. He took it anyway and slipped under the duvet with me. Loki wrapped his arms around me and spooned me. He was warm and tall, and gentle, and everything melted away into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any of y'all want loki to spoon you? bc i sure do lol


	10. Ned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i updated! i havent completely abandoned this story, i swear. i love all my readers who keep reading through my months of time off.

It shouldn't surprise me that I had another nightmare. But there I was, breathing hard in the middle of the night, Loki's arms still around me. Aunt May's screams dissipated, as did the feeling of dying, and I thanked God I hadn't yelled out in my sleep. It was still dark, Loki was still asleep, and I was alive.

I stretched my body just slightly, as not to disturb the sleeping god, and then turned over slowly to face him and bury my face in his chest. I wished he wouldn't leave. It sounds so silly, but I've learned to rely on him so much these past few days, and losing another person would be far too much. I sniffed and realized I was crying.

No, I thought. I just needed to be stronger. Loki should forget about me, and rule Asgard. I needed to stop being so childish about the whole thing.

I drifted off to sleep again, and the rest of the night was marked by waking up after a mini nightmare and then falling back asleep, each time clinging tighter to Loki. At around five in the morning, he awoke with me, possibly because I had cried out, or because I was holding onto him too tightly. He stroked my hair to calm me.

"What are your dreams, Peter?" he asked softly. I tried my best to stop trembling.

"They're mostly about dying," I admitted in a whisper. "Th-Thanos-" The name _hurt_ to say, "-said it wouldn't hurt, but he lied, it hurt a lot..." I stopped talking when I felt a wave of panic start to rise in my stomach. I wasn't on Titan, I was here, safe with Loki.

"Well, Peter, you-"

He was interrupted by a strange noise, almost like something was burning. We saw sparks appear in thin air, in the middle of the room, and Loki immediately shoved me behind him, apparently readying his magic. But the flashes became a circle, and I recognized it as one of Dr. Strange's portals. Why now? I tugged on Loki's arm, about to tell him what the portal was so that he wouldn't hurt Dr. Strange unintentionally, but I didn't get the chance. Strange appeared through the portal with Mr. Stark by his side.

"Stark, Strange, what-" Loki started, confused.

"I'm _sorry-_ I just had to- I didn't think you'd be awake-" Dad stammered, looking mortified. I realized that he was showing signs of a panic attack: hyperventilating, trembling, looking unsteady on his feet and having a wild look in his eyes.

"Tony had a panic attack," Dr. Strange cut in smoothly, subtly grabbing Mr. Stark's hand. "He asked me to make a portal to your room, Peter."

 _Oh._ Loki seemed to understand, too, even though he wasn't there on Titan, and put his magic away. I approached Mr. Stark and hugged him.

"It's okay, Dad," I tried to comfort him. He shook a little while he embraced me, but he seemed relieved that I was alive and that I wasn't acting badly.

"I'm sorry, Peter, I just needed to make sure you..." He let go, letting his sentence trail off.

"I get it, Mr. Stark. But I thought you hated magic?" He actually blushed. I was confused until he looked up at Dr. Strange.

"I've warmed up to it a bit," he said quietly, and Dr. Strange's grin lit up the entire room. _Oh._

Loki clapped his hands loudly. "Well, I don't have much time for you two _lovebirds_ , so I'll be on my way, making breakfast. You can come with me, if you'd like, Peter, but it's up to you." I shook my head, and he left. Today I figured I'd try and reconnect with some of my old friends, and maybe try and get my things from my old room. I haven't been outside of the compound since my resurrection, and I missed the lively streets of New York.

Strange and Stark left, too, and I cleaned myself up and changed my clothes. I counted being able to look at myself in the mirror a victory, but I knew the next few days would be difficult. I won't be over Aunt May for a long time, and I might never be over dying.

I ate some breakfast and went back to my room, cell phone in hand. Mr. Stark keeps giving me new pieces of technology; so far he's left a laptop, StarkPad, and the latest StarkPhone in my room, entirely set up with most of my contacts. He even added all of the Avengers' numbers, too, which is ridiculous. When am I ever going to call Hawkeye?

I called Ned, who picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" His voice was gravelly like he had just woken up. It was only then that I realized it was six AM.

"Ned, it's Peter." I meant to sound more energetic, but apparently, I didn't have it in me.

" _Woah_ \- what? Peter? I thought you were- Dude, don't be insulted, but I, like, thought you were dead. Like, _dead_ , dead. What happened?" He sounded exactly the same, but I must've seemed like a completely different person.

"I was, Ned. I came back, like everyone else."

"Shit, dude, where are you staying right now?" He sounded so in awe of me, it made me sick.

"At the Avengers Compound. How is MJ? Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Well, she's been a little weird. She was one of the ones that... _y'know_."

"Died?" Why couldn't he say it?

"Dude- you're not supposed to say it like _that_."

"Fine," Maybe it was some weird societal norm that had arisen since the snap. It didn't matter. "What's been going on? What's it like?"

"It's all so confusing, Peter. I was one of the ones that didn't... turn to ash. Everything shut down. There was no school for, like, _four months_. It was awful, dude, everyone was gone. But then the Avengers all went to this alien planet with some big secret weapon they had been working on forever. _Nobody_ knows what it is, still. But they did it, dude, they figured out a way, after the six months of research or whatever, to kill Thanos. And then they used the stones to fix a lot of the mess he created. It was wild. When everyone came back, like, a few days ago... dude. It was awesome. They did it. _You_ did it." I could hear him beaming as he told the story, but I could only focus on the last sentence.

"I was dead, Ned. I didn't do a thing. I turned to ash like the rest of them."

"Well, everybody thinks you're a hero. I still do. You left to go fight, and that's what matters." He meant so well. If only he knew about the panic attacks. "Dude, there's something I gotta tell you. Don't be mad."

"Okay, go for it."

"When I thought you were gone, like, for good? I may have told everyone at school that you're Spider-Man. And like... I showed them pictures. You went viral for a little bit." I figured as much. I sighed audibly.

"I suppose it doesn't matter much, now that May's gone," I told him tiredly. "I'm not mad."

"So like... are you coming back to school? Once this whole mess is over, and it reopens, I mean." Why the hell would I go back there?

"I don't know, Ned. It doesn't make much sense for me to come back, after everything. I might try and apply to college, or work for Mr. Stark. I'm honestly not equipped to think about the future right now."

"Okay. Well, text me. Now that I know you're number, we'll be in contact, at least, right?" I wasn't sure what I expected when I chose to call him, but this was downright upsetting.

"Sure, Ned. I gotta go. Bye."

"Bye, Spider-Man!" I hung up.

Oh, God, they saw me as some hero? What kind of hero can't eat without being pressured to, or sleep at night because of nightmares? What kind of hero cries and passes out when asked how they're doing?

I grabbed my book and started reading again. I just needed a goddamn distraction.


	11. Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back?!!?? enjoy concerned dad!tony stark & casual stucky fluff  
> could resemble plot? you be the judge

After about an hour of blissful, uninterrupted reading, I closed my book and stood up. It was time to get out of the compound for once. I went into my room and searched for my Spider-Man suit, but it wasn't there. Of course, Dad wouldn't want me to have it now. At the very least, he would want me to ask him for it back. But that wasn't happening. I knew he wouldn't approve of my outing so soon after May's death, and my own, but I needed to leave.

I pulled on a hoodie, although I realized I had no idea what season it was. So much time had passed without me.

I rode the elevator, with JARVIS's help, down to the main floor of the compound. I asked the AI not to reveal that I was leaving to anyone, but the best he could do was only to tell Mr. Stark if he asked. Good enough. Hopefully, this would be a quick trip out.

I got a few stares when I was leaving the compound, but I brushed them off and hailed a taxi. Ned said I went viral, but how bad was it? Does the whole city know who I am? The entire country? World? Evidently, the entire world didn't know, because the taxi driver didn't recognize me at all. I gave him May's address. I just prayed that no one else had moved in, or something terrible didn't happen to the house.

We arrived, and I paid the driver with the crinkled cash that was left in my room on the first day. I thought it's what was in my suit when I died. I wouldn't have enough to go back the compound, but I hoped that my old web-shooters were still at the house.

It felt like late fall outside. What a sobering thought.

I approached the house and found the spare key under the mat. The moment of truth: I tried the lock, and to my relief, it worked. The door creaked slightly more than I remembered, but that's okay. I stepped inside and was shocked when I saw that nothing had moved. At all.

The kitchen table had a thin layer of dust over it, but on it was unopened mail, my last report card, and a slightly dry plant. Moving through the house felt like a horror movie, it was as if we had up and left, with no warning or apparent reason. If felt like a ghost town.

I went into my room, barely breathing, and everything was there. All of my old clothes, my PlayStation, my bed was even unmade. She must not have touched it after I left.

I couldn't stand to be there for long, I realized. With shaking hands, I grabbed a backpack and stuffed my most important clothes and possessions inside. I resolved only to take what I could cram inside, but there wasn't much I wanted. I grabbed two of my favorite t-shirts, a few books, my laptop, and my old Spider-Man suit. A few months ago, I couldn't have lived without my Legos or my PS3, but they didn't seem all that important anymore.

I stepped very briefly into Aunt May's bedroom, only to grab a photo on her nightstand of the two of us, smiling together.

I changed into my old Spidey suit, then left the house without another look, wiping a tear with my sleeve. I locked the door again, carefully, and shot a web to a far-off building. I swung towards it, far away from old house already, and the thrill of swinging through the city was enough to take my mind off of the bitter taste in my mouth. I missed this.

I stopped on a rooftop, close enough to see Stark Tower, but far enough away so that no one would spot me out the window. I sat with my legs dangling off of the edge, staring into the skyline of New York, when my phone rang. Mr. Stark. Oh, no.

"Hey-" I answered, but I was cut off immediately.

"Kid, what on Earth were you thinking? Where are you? JARVIS said you got in a cab!" That snitch.

"I'm on a rooftop," I answered unhelpfully. "I'll come back."

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" He asked, still somewhat annoyed.

"Because you would've said it was a bad idea." Wasn't it obvious? He sighed.

"When will you be back?"

"Five minutes. I'm close." I stood up, getting ready to shoot another web.

"Okay. Next time, please tell me you're leaving, okay? I'm not trying to imprison you, I just-"

"Okay, Dad. I just had to get out of there." That was the wrong thing to say.

"Are you okay? Did anything happen? Did Loki do something? I'll kick his ass again, I swear-"

"No! Loki didn't do anything; he's my friend. I went home, Dad, that's all. I got some stuff I wanted."

A pause. I heard him let out a breath. I wondered if this was beyond his parenting skills.

"Okay. We can talk about it when you get back."

"'Kay. I'll see you soon." I shot the web out.

"I love you," he answered flippantly, but by the way he held his breath after he said it, I knew he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"Love you too, Dad. Bye." I hung up and swung back to the compound.

When I got there, Mr. Stark hugged me and tried to get me to talk, but I didn't feel like talking. The sun was setting, and he told me that tonight would be more Avenger's bonding time with dinner together and maybe something else afterward.

"Stephen told me about this fantastic Chinese place that delivers- You're gonna love it, kiddo. Why don't you change and come to the kitchen with all of us, okay? The food'll be here any minute."

I did as he suggested, and emerged from my room actually hungry. I realized that since I had been left relatively unsupervised, I hadn't eaten anything since the night before. The kitchen smells so good, too, when I walk inside. I was one of the first to be in there. I took a seat at one of the tables across from Captain America and Bucky (I still didn't know his last name).

"Hey, Peter, how have you been holding up?" The last time I interacted with the Captain was when I fought him and stole his shield.

"Umm, okay, Mr. Rogers. How are you?" I directed the question at both of them, because, really, they were sitting so close to one another.

"We're doing just fine," Cap responded with an easy smile. "Ever since Buck's been back, that is. And, please, call me Steve." I hope I didn't look too shocked. How could they be so... content? Bucky stayed quiet, but he slung his metal arm over Steve's shoulders.

"How do you..." I couldn't resist asking. "How do you deal with it all?" My voice was quieter and less confident than I'd intended. Steve gave me a concerned look, but Bucky spoke first.

"Kid, I've been through a lot in my life. Dying's just another thing, really," He paused, but I waited for him to finish. I wanted to hear this. "For me, what works is compartmentalizing. It happened, but now it's in a box, away somewhere. S'not clouding up my thoughts all the time, y'know? I'll deal with it later. For now, I'll focus on the present." I thought for a minute and wished I could do that as easily as he made it sound. I looked up, and Steve was making heart eyes at his apparent partner. I thanked them for the advice and went to grab some food, but I was really wondering: just how gay were the Avengers?


	12. You're Just a Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter, but hey- an update's an update  
> enjoy steve, bucky, & nat being good uncles & aunts. they haven't gotten enough attention in this fic so far tbh.

Dinner was loud. The Avengers were all there, except Hawkeye, who I learned left to be with his family. I wondered how many Avengers were planning on staying in the compound and if things would begin to get lonely soon. I didn't have a home to go back to anymore.

I sat at one of the tables with my food, surrounded by Steve, Bucky, and Nat. Dr. Banner and Thor were laughing about something near the food, and Mr. Stark and Dr. Strange were talking to Loki about something at the other table that looked serious, so I avoided them at the moment.

My tablemates were sharing stories of the final battle before the snap.

"And then he said, 'I'll get that arm.' What the hell am I supposed to say to that?" Bucky recounted. Steve smiled like he had heard the story a thousand times, but Nat and I thought it was hilarious.

"What happened after then? When did Thanos come?" I asked, eating fried rice. I hadn't heard the whole story.

"Well, I truly believe we would've won right there when he showed up if everyone on Titan had been there. We weren't coordinated. We were all rushing him one by one..." Steve told me. I learned that Thor almost killed Thanos with his ax, Stormbreaker, but he went for the chest instead of the head, and Thanos turned back time and snapped. Steve paused to take a bite, looking slightly overwhelmed by having to recount the story, but I had never gotten the full tale.

"What happened after the snap?" I asked, pressing onward.

"We were all devastated," Nat jumped in, setting down her chopsticks. "It was awful... Tony, Nebula, and the Cloak rebuilt the spaceship on Titan. It took them a month, but they did it. Everyone who was alive gathered in Wakanda after the riots, and-"

"Riots?" I interrupted.

"People need someone to blame, Peter," Steve set down his water glass. "When half the population died, they blamed us." My jaw dropped.

" _What?_ How could they blame the Avengers? You-"

"Kid, think about it. The public never knew about Thanos until after the snap. The Avengers are supposed to protect them. They felt nothing but anger after their loved ones died. It makes sense, really." Bucky added, before taking an enormous bite of noodles.

"They stormed press conferences- it wasn't safe to be in New York anymore. So we all hid in Wakanda." Nat continued. "We planned, and Stark, Shuri, and Nebula made weapons like crazy. We had to be ready for anything. Thor left and found powerful magical items. Strange's Cloak helped us trace signals from the stones to Thanos. We trained and worked more than any of us have ever worked before. And then we left for Titan on the ship that Stark and Nebula rebuilt."

"Was that the secret weapon?" I asked, recalling my earlier conversation with Ned. Nat looked at me funny.

"The 'secret weapon' was a false leak to the press. None of the public knew what we used to kill Thanos."

"We wanted to give the civilians a false sense of hope as we were leaving, so they wouldn't try and stop us," Steve explained, and I realized then that-

" _False_ sense of hope? You thought you were going to lose." I said it more as a statement than a question.

"Yes," Nat said solemnly, wiping her mouth with a napkin. "But we had to try."

"How did you win?" I nearly whispered, gripping the table.

"We strategized ahead of time," Steve said calmly. "but it was still a long fight. Several hours. We rushed him all at once. Nebula dealt the final blow to his head with Thor's magic dagger." I was surely wide-eyed.

"After she killed him, she picked up the gauntlet before anyone could stop her. She brought her sister, Gamora, back from the dead, and then gave it up to us. We were worried, at first, about using it to bring people back, but nothing happened after Gamora was resurrected, so we brought the gauntlet to Earth and brought you all back." Nat finished tiredly.

"Where is it now?" I wondered, taking the last bite of stir-fry.

"We destroyed the gauntlet and sent the stones all over the universe. Dr. Strange has one, the Guardians of the Galaxy have one, and so does the remains of Asgard. We didn't want them all on Earth, because that makes us a threat." Steve answered.

"You're... you're amazing!" I sputtered, nearly knocking my empty plate off of the table. "I mean- how did you keep going, for _six months_ , not knowing if-if-"

"Kid, you have to remember who we are, what we've been through," Bucky's voice was low and gravelly. "We've all been in situations where we didn't think we were gonna make it. You- you're only what? Sixteen?"

"Seventeen," I corrected him, but it didn't matter.

"Seventeen," he repeated. "You're just a kid, Pete. This was the scariest, most horrifying and intense experience you've ever had; hopefully, it's the worst you will have. But don't beat yourself up about your reaction to it. You're a teenager, for God's sake. It's okay, really."

"Exactly," Nat added with a small smile. "And certainly don't think you're the only one who has PTSD. Stark only sleeps when his boyfriend forces him to, Thor bottles up all of his feelings, and Bruce has anxiety. Hell, I still get flashbacks from Russia."

"I- Thanks," I said quietly, looking down at my plate. Their words did help, probably more than they would ever know.

"No problem, Peter," Steve gave me a proud smile, and I felt content.

 

 

 


	13. Board Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but it's an update. Finals are killing me, but I'm still alive for this fic. I haven't abandoned it!!!

Tonight was bored game night. Mr. Stark had made the announcement after dinner, and we were hurried into a large common room with plenty of couches, coffee tables, and floor space. The panoramic windows gave us a gorgeous view of New York after sunset, and I half-wished I was outside again, swinging from webs.

Steve and Bucky began an intense game of connect four, but the rest of us settled into Monopoly.

"You all can quit, now, if you want," my Dad winked at me. "You could say I won at Monopoly in real life, so, it would just be easier for all of us if-"

"Stark, if you think that will work, you're sorely mistaken," Loki teased, grinning. "I may not know much of your mortal currency, but I fully intend to win nonetheless."

Mr. Stark replied with a sarcastic, "We'll see," and proceeded to explain the rules to the gods playing. We chose our characters and the game began. The strategies varied: Mr. Stark and Loki were very selective in their property buying, while Dr. Strange and Nat bought everything they landed on. Thor was confused the entire game, and even more so when he lost in the first few rounds.

"No, brother, you're bankrupt, see, even if you sell your one house-" Loki scolded.

"But- That's not what I paid for! Odin's Beard, your mortal, nitpicking rules are outrageous and hard to follow. Why do these slips of paper count as gold? Why should I buy the train if I don't know what it is- much less how to run it! I have no need for multiple houses, but without one I'll be homeless!" Dr. Strange barely stopped him from flipping the board.

"You certainly look it," murmured Loki near my ear.

"That's quite enough out of you, brother. I'm off to find more ale." He stormed out spitefully, but we could all see he wasn't really mad.

"Don't mind my insolent brother. Let's play, shall we?" Loki smirked.

Dr. Strange went bankrupt next after landing on one of Nat's properties. She was suspiciously wealthy and never seemed to get a bad dice roll. Mr. Stark cursed up a storm when he took a huge hit from one of Loki's properties but managed to pay it off after selling most of his houses. He gained it all back when I hit him and lost all of my money.

It quickly became clear that Nat was going to win. She struck deals with everyone who had to pay her rent so that she gained properties as well as cash. She was slowly taking over the entire board, and Loki and Mr. Stark were becoming more and more frazzled.

"You can't- you can't take all three properties!" Dad moaned after he couldn't pay rent.

"It's either that or pay the full thousand. Up to you!" Nat responded cheerily.

"They're my only source of income!" Mr. Stark whined.

"You should've thought of that when you landed on my property. Hand it over."

Loki lost quickly after that exchange, and Mr. Stark soon followed. It was certainly an entertaining ending. A glance at my watch, though, and I realized the monopoly game had gone on for several hours. Nat and Mr. Stark were packing up the board, with him asking questions about strategy. Loki had disappeared with Thor, Steve and Bucky were deep in conversation, connect four forgotten. Dr. Strange was the only one unoccupied, lingered nearby, sipping wine on the couch, observing. We made eye contact and he nodded to me to sit by him.

"How are you, Peter?" He asked, and his tone told me he was really interested.

"I'm..." I paused, actually trying to reflect. "I'm here." His mouth quirked.

"Certainly preferable to being somewhere else." He took a long drink.

"How are you? And Mr. Stark?" He watched me carefully, but I didn't feel uncomfortable with his gaze.

"It isn't your job to worry about us," He answered, not unkindly. "We're all right; we've all got plenty to think about."

"But- Mr. Stark tries to help me all the time. I want to help him, too. I know it's not my job, but..." I cursed myself for my lack of eloquence, but Dr. Strange seemed to understand.

"Tony is all right," Dr. Strange repeated, more firmly. "And although it is considerate of you to think of him, you don't need to. He has a support system, and a therapist, which, by the way, is something that you should consider." I sighed. I knew that already, I just never felt up to it.

"How much would a therapist help?" I wondered out loud. "It's not like everyone fought Thanos."

Dr. Strange gave me a half-smile. "True, but you're forgetting that half of the universe went through the same dying experience you did. And therapists who have never been in combat often treat patients with war-related PTSD all the time. You're not alone."

I thought on it, but he made too much sense for me to deny it for long. "Yeah, okay. I know I should get one. I'll talk to Mr. Stark about it." Strange took another sip, content with that answer.

* * *

 


End file.
